i'm not sure if that's the right word to describe my years of boyfriend-experiences. or should i put an 'ex' on the title so it fits perfectly. then why bother, just let it be.
my first boyfriend was a junkies. i'm not sure if he still is. but i just don't care because it's history. better he been gone from my life like others. they're just bitter part of my memories. my first courting only last for months. and we only met once. i'm not a social able person, maybe that's where my problem comes from. my first and the last night with him were merely nothing more than cuddling, like boy/girl-friend. things get worse when kath told the whole school i'm whoring with him. i was not. it's not that he get into me. that's when i learnt, friend can eat friend. and that's the first roll.
my second boyfriend is sweet and naughty. we're in the same school since primaries. he's my secret admirer. i think he's sweet because he's younger (months) and smaller than me, and naughty because he always tease me back in the days before he said he love me. he wrote a letter to me, said he wanted to court me, but i refused. because i'm not ready, besides, i treat him like my little brother. can't think more than that. he never give up. the next two year he gave another try. through kate. yes, kate again. as if i was never regret befriended her. but believe me, what comes after, really makes me regret more. kath give me a call on late noon. telling me freddie (again) wants to court me. imagining the power that kath got (she's the alpha 'male' of the 'herd'), i said, 'why not, i'll give it a try then'. afterall, she can't blame me if it don't last since she pushed me to say 'yes' to freddie. and i really regret it. we only last for a week. and again, kath told things about me. telling that i'm not worth to be friend of, or to be court of. friend eat friend.
it just struck me that she did the same, i mean she did turn down a guy's move to court her. see, she can decline when she's not happy, why can't we not decline when we're not? that's how selfish she can get herself into. glad that her life's miserable nowadays.
my third boyfriend, i guess he's my really first love. and we only met once. even my dad (and the whole family) knows how he look like. that's why i yearn for him. alot. although his attitude's killing me sometime, but i love his every bits. he is who he is. but yet again, i'm not that perfect anymore - so why should i wait?
my fourth boyfriend, matthew. this one is the slightest relationship i ever had. we only last for hours. yes, within a night. found out that he's not a good person and managed to flight before i get into anything serious. glad. because months later he's a dad.
my fifth boyfriend, gg. i guess in term of courting, i got the most of it from him. except for the physical part. and that's killing me. but i'm glad we don't. because he worth nothing. at last he betrayed me, alot more than he talks, defending his stupid friggin for nothing ass. he treat me like a doll, as if i'll know nothing about his dirty secrets, i'd known better.
my sixth boyfriend, amie. maybe it's something about the number, because i had my first sex with him. friggin, yeah. something i reward myself on my 20th birthday. sounds stupid, but i don't and never regret it. for since then i know, who's the real guy i'm yearning amongst all. but afterall, he's not that perfect. okay, rip off the 'that', he's a freakin junkies, jerks, pervert... he's everything you don't want for a boyfriend. but no, i don't regret it.
that's a series of my life around boyfriends in years. and i'm still looking for someone who'd take me for who i am.
Labels: boyfriend
sincerely ♥EnAid♥ @18:23 |